I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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