dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
