so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
