Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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