This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Never joke about your clitoris.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
