I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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