I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
