I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
