I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
