We named our party play list daddy issues
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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