she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Sober January is a disaster.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
