i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
