does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
