Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
