we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
