i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
