In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
