"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
