According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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