yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
