nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
