I feel great
I just peed on a car
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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