i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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