There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
