I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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