Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize