I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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