Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
