i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
