Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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