Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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