True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
