please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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