I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
