a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Randomize
