is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
