Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We got so high we made milksteak
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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