I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
