hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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