She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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