we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
