I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize