no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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