Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
