hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize