Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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