but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
