I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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