Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
