Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
