Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
