Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
