the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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