I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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