If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
