can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
