I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
