So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
