we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
