if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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