k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
