he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
