At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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