My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
