I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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