ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Houston, we have a blender
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't put those talents on a resume
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
