D3 body, D1 cock
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
