i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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