I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
