please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
