your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
