Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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