She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
