If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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