Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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