How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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