I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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