Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
