They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I am mentally ready for anal.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
