my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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