Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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