real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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