just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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