so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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