Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
