She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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