Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
