she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
