I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
