Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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