Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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