One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize