u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
