About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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