three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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