Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
